hahaha i know you are joking but indeed if you are used to drinking "hard" well or natural spring water, distillate water or RO could give you diarrhea and in some cases even hyponatremia if you do lots of exercise and drink too much low ppm water at once, gradually switching from hard to very very soft water can be done but will cause mineral deficiencies overtime if not supplemented elsewhere. bottled water is around 15-50 ppm and mostly sodium. this is the best and safest water to drink.