Aww, cu-mon,
SoOrbudgal ! None of the symptoms is excessive poo'ing. Our Home Depot/Vons/Walmart area is packed. Traffic is backed out to the highway.
Home Depot is overrun by men looking to buy something manly. Doesn't matter what it is. Router. Table saw. Pallet of bricks. Hammer. Guys know what I mean. Probably something to make booby-traps. Maybe something to barter. Something women don't know is Home Depot sells toilet paper. I'm sure there's a joke in there about toilet paper made of sandpaper or sawdust. When we're down to Mad Max, The Book of Eli, and The Road type situations and all the women have run out of their toilet paper, men will have their own supplies women don't know about.
Women and men linked to women via cell-phone (chained to their ball) are at Walmart buying toilet paper. Four generations of family members patrol the store, solo, so each person can get his/her own personal limit of two packs per person. Damn sad to see a three year old need a lift from a store employee to scan his own stuff, let alone watching the kid try to lift two 48-roll packs of extra strength. Other kids, on the floor, crawled up in fetal because they can't find their parents in the melee. They can't find aisle 23 because they can only count to ten.
Vons is out of paper products, in general. Paper towels and coffee filters. Festive crepe paper (probably another joke about the color of someone's ass and the type of paper they use). Steno pad's because they're two sided. Yellow legal pads because they're big. Envelopes. But you have to remove the sticky or it'll remove hairs.
Signs are going up outside stores. "Out of toilet paper. Can't spare a square."
The military has been reporting the pilfering of the toilet paper from MRE's. It would make me happy if that wound somewhere on the internet.
Pizza's ready...