What ills you?

[Daskahn]

I’m not sure if this is allowed or not.. I know this is a largely helpful site for a particular thing but I just wanted to share my issues in hopes it can help someone someone out there

as I’m writing this (mainly because I can’t do anything else )
their is shearing pain radiating through my entire left side of my body.
I swear I’ve heard unfamiliar voices and sounds all around me
like I’m stuck in a computer program that won’t end
i don’t always have control of my limbs
I’m having horrible flash backs, each time my body cringes my nose fills with snot and tears are forced from my eyes and I’ve never been a cryer... it’s just never been something I did.
and on top of these lovely events
the last real thought I’ve had (besides to write those) is from my ball of agony I’m in on my bed I can look mainly only out of my window because to be in any other form would be hella painful I have a thought.. “if this is going to be the last thing I see can’t atleast the window be clean?”

if this was a hard read for anyone I apologize I in no way meant to cause anyone harm..
and for me it’s not a joke.. although I’ve always said I wanted to go out with a joke.
its been very hard for me to write this.. I won’t tell anyone who I am I only want people to be happy and find humor in the worst of situations because laughter and humor is what makes us who we are.
remember remember the fifth of November.
hopefully I will be back but if for any reason I’m not on 1 day or 2 or forever how long.. I’m more then likely ok.. just these episodes are become more and more difficult to withstand
the government has failed us.. I love my country there is no other like it, we have been blessed to witness and be part of the greatest nation on earth.. and never will there be another.. but the bombs still ring in my head the bodies still haunt my dreams and I don’t remember the last time I’ve had a good sleep
from time to time I actually don’t even know if my memories are my memories.. all I want to see is my kids grow to be happy and one more frontier not spoiled by the ravages of the monster that we call society. My last parting thought “Ugh I’m not even that old I’m actually quite young..” signing off for a bit DasKahn aka ComicalSin
if I don’t see or hear from you again it’s been a pleasure and a happy point in my day to get to read all of your journals.. and if I was able to help you with your needs I’m glade I was able to be a service.
F** punctuation

[swegrow]

I’m not sure if this is allowed or not.. I know this is a largely helpful site for a particular thing but I just wanted to share my issues in hopes it can help someone someone out there

as I’m writing this (mainly because I can’t do anything else )
their is shearing pain radiating through my entire left side of my body.
I swear I’ve heard unfamiliar voices and sounds all around me
like I’m stuck in a computer program that won’t end
i don’t always have control of my limbs
I’m having horrible flash backs, each time my body cringes my nose fills with snot and tears are forced from my eyes and I’ve never been a cryer... it’s just never been something I did.
and on top of these lovely events
the last real thought I’ve had (besides to write those) is from my ball of agony I’m in on my bed I can look mainly only out of my window because to be in any other form would be hella painful I have a thought.. “if this is going to be the last thing I see can’t atleast the window be clean?”

if this was a hard read for anyone I apologize I in no way meant to cause anyone harm..
and for me it’s not a joke.. although I’ve always said I wanted to go out with a joke.
its been very hard for me to write this.. I won’t tell anyone who I am I only want people to be happy and find humor in the worst of situations because laughter and humor is what makes us who we are.
remember remember the fifth of November.
hopefully I will be back but if for any reason I’m not on 1 day or 2 or forever how long.. I’m more then likely ok.. just these episodes are become more and more difficult to withstand
the government has failed us.. I love my country there is no other like it, we have been blessed to witness and be part of the greatest nation on earth.. and never will there be another.. but the bombs still ring in my head the bodies still haunt my dreams and I don’t remember the last time I’ve had a good sleep
from time to time I actually don’t even know if my memories are my memories.. all I want to see is my kids grow to be happy and one more frontier not spoiled by the ravages of the monster that we call society. My last parting thought “Ugh I’m not even that old I’m actually quite young..” signing off for a bit DasKahn aka ComicalSin
if I don’t see or hear from you again it’s been a pleasure and a happy point in my day to get to read all of your journals.. and if I was able to help you with your needs I’m glade I was able to be a service.
F** punctuation

You are not alone. Stay put and reach out to me or anyone if you want to. The feeling of not being alone with that is sometimes enough to feel just a bit better. I know that feeling,

Much love.

[Daskahn]

All I can do atm is talk to y’all or stare out a window.. I can’t lay in a position that would allow me to see the tv.. it’s like my left lung collapsed and I’ve dislocated my shoulder so my anxiety is through the roof atm and I’m suppose to be in the garden making sure everyone gets the little extra fresh veggies that have become scarce around here but because of all the caos I’m pretty much out of action.. can’t really do comedy.. in the current situation we are in.. not that I was ever a great comic.. if I was I have no clue because my mind is... well you read that.. you explain it to me because to me I’ve re read it twice and I like what I wrote I get the warm feeling but what... I just really want society to know.. the good comics.. the ones you remember forever.. have some of the worst internal battles
I miss Robyn.. he was like a father figure to me.. and I’ll never get to tell him that..

[Daskahn]

Find Your Light
Yeah.. well I’ve told you many times that you act like I don’t know.. and I’ve told you many times if you just listen to me instead of fighting me you would get so much further but it’s like you refuse to see me as anything other then your perfect white knight and the truth is inside here.. in this level of darkness I’ve come to call my sanctuary.. you and our kids are my light.. I used to have friends but were they ever my friends or were they my fans because I told jokes a lot.. stop telling jokes for a bit and everyone dropped me like I’m old news.. it’s hard emotionally but the point was I know what you were going through I’ve been through much worse and I’m still kicking so you can too you just have to fight it.. find your light and hold on as long as you can because when you lose that happiness when you start pushing everyone away.. you may never feel the warmth of that glow again
And that my dear scares me far more then any physical pain.. far more than growing u

p alone and inventing friends.. far more than anything I can imagine so I’ve figured I need help... I need help so I can keep fighting so I started heavily talking to the forum.. because I couldn’t bear to lose anything else.. I literally need you and my kids

[Daskahn]

If anyone has any issues big or small there’s no problem I’m not willing to read because be sure some of mine will go off the deep in for a loooong time.. apparently who ever made my mind(the government) said let’s see how close we can push this kid to breaking but maybe not actually break him.. pfft who am I kidding I’ve apparently been broken a number of times and at the moment my mind is replaying all the greatest hits..

[alltatup]

I PM'd you, brother.

[Daskahn]

Here we go again
I can hear the children screaming and crying and I can’t do a thing about
the demon trudges back and forth rambling the mumbles I can’t understand.. never saying anything to me I can make out like living with someone who speaks an alien language.. they call for me but I can’t move the weight of the world is pooring down on my chest and my eyes.. struggle to even stay awake
I feel all the pain and suffering like some envious torture magnet

[SoOrbudgal]

Daskahn please please know I've felt similar pain not as intense but feelings of no one understanding me what i'm trying to say. I don't articulate the best when i'm at my worst and it's all do to pain and loss of kin ship. Yes we are but online friends but we are friends who care and lots of folks have and are going through this now. Really they are. I try and talk to my sister she has anxiety & depression from years of mental abuse from a former spouse and caused her to seek comfort in eating and is now morbidly obese and has been in sedentary life at work our father who was alcoholic our poor Mother who was helpless back in the 60's. Yes I know about the screams I've heard them at different traumatic events in my life.

You must keep reaching out, there is hope that this shit storm will pass. Yes I love humor I don't give a rats ass but politics fuck it I don't see the world through the f-ing Govt. I've never counted on them for my well being. So please please keep your head above the darkness...……..this will get better I wish I could give you a hug.

[Daskahn]

I appreciate the sentiment how ever at the moment to be touched or squeezed would probably crack a rib or something.. basically it’ll hurt.. however air hugs.. and muah and muah

[Daskahn]

My general day only consist of like minor annoyances small sudden outburst usually when I’m alone somewhere and if I’m around family they generally know.. but now they are so far away random shoulder popping out of socket or in controlling twitch but I kid you not it felt like the left half of my body no longer wanted to be apart of the right side and tried to rip itself off and then that flared my ptsd and anxiety.. which snow balled into the worse depression spell I’ve had since the military.. and man I kid you not that was arguably the worse day I’ve had in about the last 10 years atleast.. although I didn’t hurt no one or anything and it seems to be calming down so hopefully it was a today only thing.. and if so that won’t be to bad a spell for me.. I might still go out in the zen garden tomorrow just to be sure.. but last bad spell I had I disappeared for long while.. don’t remember much of it but trees and streams and camp fires..
it sounds nice but I really don’t remember it.. people just tell me I was gone and found walking down a road 400 miles away.. so I had to survive.. and I do know how so it’s plausible.. drove all the way to Texas when I was in my 20s apparently searching for my kid..
it’s just I’m pretty young to be getting all of the worse traits in my family all at one time.. and I know I’m not the healthiest of people obviously but I lived a decently healthy life.. so I don’t for the life of me understand why the demons of my fathers haunt me or why the nomad of my mothers seem to be all happening now.. my cousin has had several issues with different bad drugs.. eats horribly never really cared about his health or life ran with gangsters and kinda just been a general.. well gangster.. while me I was the good kid.. ate healthy most of the time exercised often sometimes.. obsessively first in my family to go to college first in my generation to go independent and be pretty successful and I’m sorry if I sound a bit stuck up or anything but I worked my butt off to get out of that war torn hell I was born in.. i was in sports I went through all four years of rotc.. and excelled.. only to live my mid life broken and at least only running with 1/3 of my cylinders.. and half my lungs.. and I over came freaken asthma .. used to basically be a ex military teacher/ farmer.. now while I should be in the prime of my life I’m reduced to a near pile of calcified bone..
I don’t understand karma says do good things and good you will be repaid in kind.. do bad things upon people and bad shall be delivered to you 7 fold.. I’d argue I’ve done a lot for many.. I’ve always tried to do the right thing even if every part of my culture and up bring and fiber of my body said it wasn’t right.. it feels like I’m physically and mentally being ripped in two.. and even the plant of the heavens is failing me..

[UndergroundFarmer]

I'll restrain myself from giving naïve advice and just say that even though I'm not the one who can tell you where to find it, I wish you peace.

[Daskahn]

Actually underground showing support when a brother needs it most shows respect I think and is very good.. thank you.. it is appreciated..
And if anyone has any issues at all they can share it here.. as a community because even though we are separated by sometimes thousands of miles we are in fact a community we ask for help when we need it and give help when we have to give.. I think emotional support in times like this should still be important so if anyone needs an ear or a shoulder to lean on I’m also hear for you as you are me.. I’m not sure my shoulder would be comfy right now but it is here